Everything is different now

"I can't continue taking this from you"

i never thought you'd be the kind of guy to do stupid stuffs. i gave you all of me. eveything you wanted, i gave you what you needed. and what-the-fuck, oh man, this is what i get? you're being very unfair to me. you set stupid conditions, wth. i've had enough, more than enough. you said you wanna train me to be mature enough, but all i can see is, heh the more suffer than before.

you have to stop accusing me, oh god. stop accusing me of all the things well you know you're guilty of. well i can see that it's easy for you to like, put all the blame on me. blame everything on me. no fair, no fair. erghhh, stress much :( well to be more fair then, i should go out having fun with all my girls and do all the things you stop me from doing it and all the things you hate. fair enough?

you break your promises. the promises you've made, you yourself made it without me forcing you to do it. this is not your first time of breaking the promises. no really, it's not. and you know it yourself. well i thought, you'd change. i thought you'd learn from all the mistakes you've done. but no, you're doing all the things you've promised me not to do. i don't know why you'd ever lie to me.

well, how do you feel now? was the alcohol and cigarettes worth it?

ohh, if you're so strong enough. ego-istic much. i might as well just leave you and us today. no, remember, you made it this way. uh huhh -__- hmm. i fell in love with you, oh boy. but now, i sadly realize, i ask myself, who are you? i don't know you anymore. you've changed.

i can't tolerate with those stupid fights and sleepless nights anymore,

oh plus, the fussing and fighting we had. ++ crying part too.

I like to see you fall again

here's a story, ok no, silly story i must say. let's start with this accident. accident? hahaha, ni deena lah ni. "cikguu, ada accident!" said deena to Puan Nor Haida. sumpah bangang. ingat kereta langgar lori apa ;p haha bluek mmg tak lah. okay back to the story, please. :)

Lisa, one of my classmate. well she sits same row with me. uh huhh, but heck, that doesnt mean im so close with her. beat that, lol. last friday, 23rd May 2008, after recess (around 11 something) our class combined with 5P gotta do the fucking "gotong-royong" mengemaskan itu dewan, ha untuk khemah ibadat. wtf? no faiiirr. big NO. no really, it's like, apahal our class je kan? shitty you, dipshit. i hate you big time. (lol)

okay that is the intoduction je, hihi. okay let's go to the climax terus. ceyyyy ni tak sabar ni. jap kasi gelak jap. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. okay i'm done, hihi. continue continue. hahahahaha, nak gelak lagi. ok, sorry peeps.

lisa, omg omg, she jatuh tau weh. tgh cuci dewan semua ni. cam tahh, some of my friends ckp she tolak the air using her own kaki, wei bodo ke apa ni, apa guna the mop and stuffs -__- silly you, chino. she jatuh cam "ikan bilis" hahaha, farisya la nii punya ayat, well because the floor gila slippery. can you like imagine this: ada this sound "bupppp!" ha something like that, cam gila kuat habis, but heh, she is like so small, ok anorexia la senang cerita haha lol :) kuat gila bai the sound, wooo :S

after that, Puan Nor Haida and Puan Nor Atiqah came to us, cam tanya blablabla, angkat lisa and all. ada la this tons of friends, bukan menolong tapi menyemak. konon kesian gila do lisa, omgomg, padahaalll, ceyyy -.- i know, im oh so mean+cruel. but i can't pretend kan? im not a two-faced type of girl. ok, you can say whatever you want, shithead. you don't know anything, so just get your own life, tits. :)

okat later on, cam luka la kan jatuh mesti la ada luka sikit. adoi. siapa tahh cakap, ada this hole, big big hole, i was like omg seriously, you gotta be kidding me wei :O then i heard, Puan Atiqah said to Lisa, kena jahit la her luka tu. she berdegil gila ha, ckp tanak semua haram jadah. eeee pissed off :/ grhh you, byotch.

imma devil. well kill me for being oh so cruel to Lisa. lol. gahh, its so funnayyy like damn hell versus the heaven orait, cam kalau if this world has a remote control. woohoo ;D i'm goona keep repeating and again repeating the part where she fell. her tears, are joy to me. HAHAHAHA. no, i mean it, really. :)

im so happy that you're hurt, fucktard.

i hope and i pray, that the pain kills you. *winks*

Let it out

Oh my boyfriend, my soulmate, my future husband, MY EVERYTHING! :)

you always make me happy even when i say you don't.the cute things you say and do always let me know, i am loved and that i always will be. yes, i do trust you. maybe not that 100% with somethings, but that can all me made up in no time ;)

you are seriously the best thing in my life and i want you to be in my life forever. promise me you will? i think that i have found the person i really want to marry and that i want to be with forever *winks* well, some people say that and don't mean it but i really do! you know i do.

i seriously and madly and deeply inlove with you! every touch from you drives me insane :))) and always makes me wish that i could be with you every minute of every day. i can't but i wish i could.maybe one day we can spend everyday in our house in phase 3 :P hahaha.

i love you with all my heart, for now, for tomorrow and forever <3

i sadly realize, we're different now.

was it something ive said or done, that makes you turn away? -__-

What's on my mind

I used to think that finding someone you can click with, someone who made your stomach feel sick, your hands starting to shake and your whole body feel off balance, was always going to mean something special. But these are things that just happen, they're not a result of something he's doing for you. He isn't making these things happen, they just happen. What i've come to realize is, what matters is how he makes you feel on purpose. The feelings he can cause in you that are every bit of his control. He is calling just to say he misses you, lying in bed next to you while you're reading your favourite 'romance fiction', turning off his favourite hardcore music when you're in the car with him just because you get a headache by listening to them, trying to crack a stupid joke to make you laugh or learning to accept that you like the one team in football he couldn't stand. These are the feelings that do not just fade away in time, because he won't let them. If its really something, he'll be able to make you feel those things no matter the circumstance.

xxx,
Atilia. (;

Worst moment ever-er

The Teenage Years
uh huhh, well it's never easy. the disappointments and delays. the hopes and fears and dreams and nightmares, always pulled back.

"weight, appearance, money, smarts, wealthy, popular." friends that only judge you. people that only use you. embarrasment and foolishness. being awkward and misunderstood.

things that come and go in a fraction of a second. it all goes so fast and so slow at the same time. it's never easy. but, heh, who said it would be? *sighs

Today's teenagers

Cliques
Jocks
Preps
Geeks
"It's just high school."

Relationships
Cheating
Jealousy
Regrets
"It's just high school."

Girls and Boys
Two-faced
Backstabbing
Social climbers
"It's just high school."

Weight
Anorexia
Bulimia
Exercise
"It's just high school."

Grades
Homeworks
Exams
Projects
"It's just high school."

I just can't wait to grow up...

People always tell me,

"It's just hai-shekul". :)

Bad day

The alarm is sounding. (beep, beep, beep!) then, haa, hop out of bed. trip over my books, haha smlm tanak buat, ceyyy. hardly awake -__- adoidoidoi. if i don't hurry, i'll be late. gahh, malas la wei. rush to shower, as fast as i can. oh-em-gee, WHERE'S THE HOT WATER?! hmm, i sadly realize. This is not my day. now i'm running late. i'm late for school. dah la tu, grhh, i missed an important lesson pulak tu. ha, my teacher's mad. gahh tension bai, hmmm ;(

this is not my day, this day is really bad!